Temor Visitations
Well, I met Andy's friend Temor. Nice guy, apparently he likes me (or at least doesn't actively dislike me... and I'm taking that as a good sign!). Might have had a little to do with me paying for breakfast, but I doubt that it did much to sway him... he seems to really care for Andy, and that's good enough for me, honestly. Lot of hair on that guy, though...
Andy's friend Elizabeth (although less critical that she like me than Temor) also seems nice... a bit... sedate, I think is the right word. Not boring or anything like that, just soft-spoken. And not much sense of rhythm (which, for a girl, is unusual...), but whatever... we had fun and baked pie. T'was good.
And then there's Andy herself...
I admit I'm waffling. Bonnie and I spoke on Saturday and she said (in her typically "Far-too-Insightful-for-My-Own-Good" way) that if I really wanted to help Andy love herself and be happy with who she is, I can't be with her romantically. I think her exact words were "You can never be with her." Harsh... but possibly true. I mean, won't some part of Andy always be wondering if I'm doing this JUST to get her in bed with me? And I really don't want that.
I mean, don't get me wrong. I DO want her in bed with me. But that's not why I want to help her... it's not why I encouraged her to think about her relationship and it's not why I'm sticking around.
[sigh]
I dunno. Anyway, the result was that I started wondering if I'll ever get a chance to actually be with her, and this manifested as me suddenly being unconcerned over sleeping with her.
The "logic" flows as such: I'm currently NOT sleeping with her because I want her to really be in love with me before we do. But if I'm not allowed to be with her, that means she can't ever really be in love with me (because if she could, then we could be together, ne?). Which means suddenly it doesn't matter if we sleep together now (when she doesn't love me but doesn't realize it) or later (when I may not have the opportunity to do so because she'll have realized that she doesn't love me).
Thankfully, my resolve held for one more day, and I think I'm back at a slightly more sane place emotionally, but still... I want to be with her, and the knowledge that I may never be able to... at least if I really want her to be happy... that is the suck.
Andy's friend Elizabeth (although less critical that she like me than Temor) also seems nice... a bit... sedate, I think is the right word. Not boring or anything like that, just soft-spoken. And not much sense of rhythm (which, for a girl, is unusual...), but whatever... we had fun and baked pie. T'was good.
And then there's Andy herself...
I admit I'm waffling. Bonnie and I spoke on Saturday and she said (in her typically "Far-too-Insightful-for-My-Own-Good" way) that if I really wanted to help Andy love herself and be happy with who she is, I can't be with her romantically. I think her exact words were "You can never be with her." Harsh... but possibly true. I mean, won't some part of Andy always be wondering if I'm doing this JUST to get her in bed with me? And I really don't want that.
I mean, don't get me wrong. I DO want her in bed with me. But that's not why I want to help her... it's not why I encouraged her to think about her relationship and it's not why I'm sticking around.
[sigh]
I dunno. Anyway, the result was that I started wondering if I'll ever get a chance to actually be with her, and this manifested as me suddenly being unconcerned over sleeping with her.
The "logic" flows as such: I'm currently NOT sleeping with her because I want her to really be in love with me before we do. But if I'm not allowed to be with her, that means she can't ever really be in love with me (because if she could, then we could be together, ne?). Which means suddenly it doesn't matter if we sleep together now (when she doesn't love me but doesn't realize it) or later (when I may not have the opportunity to do so because she'll have realized that she doesn't love me).
Thankfully, my resolve held for one more day, and I think I'm back at a slightly more sane place emotionally, but still... I want to be with her, and the knowledge that I may never be able to... at least if I really want her to be happy... that is the suck.
posted by Marx at 10:04 AM
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