I'm not even supposed to BE here today!

I hate my job.

I'm supposed to be on vacation. Instead I'm at work, running around in little circles trying to get everything finished.

I HATE my job.

HATE.

Ah, sweet Wednesday.

Today... I get to start my vacation. After I'm done work today, I get a whole week and a half where I don't have to come into work. It will be... glorious. I'm going to sleep in, finish all the vids I haven't gotten around to finishing yet, clean my apartment, draw until my hand gets cramped up, and go to the gym.

[happy sigh]
All I have to do is survive the next 8 hours of work... which'll be tough, but that's okay! I can do that!

Anyway, my plans for my vacation may not be extensive, but they ARE cheap! And that's the important bit. I think it'll be good!

Tomorrow Can't Come Soon Enough.

I'm just drained.
This job is killing me... I hate it with every fiber of my being.

I just feel so incredibly empty... and I know there are people out there with far worse lots in life... but this work is just soul-burning. I think that it's potentially possible for me to enjoy a job less, but in all the various places I've worked and things I've done, this is STILL my least favourite. Even hauling lumber through the forests, being attacked my blackflies and mosquitos was better than this!

Swiss Chalet was better than this!

ARGH!

Anyway. Weekend was dull, but that's okay... I wasn't really up for much excitment. Jo mentioned that she would be busy (exams and the like), which was kinda a relief... not that she isn't interesting and kinda cool and all, but I just didn't have the energy to be forging new friendships with unknowns. I hate that stage where you have to be careful what you say and when you let slip various things that people will find psychotic... I'm getting very bad and withholding information, and its not endearing me to anyone. I guess those are just the breaks.

Friday.

So it's Friday. Thank goodness for small miracles... this week was lasting FOREVER. Spending last night at my parent's place didn't help much either... now I'm actually more tired and kranky than I was yesterday... and I barely got any sleep then! Ah well... plenty of sleep tonight, I suspect. And no big, exciting plans for tomorrow either... probably go downtown to draw. I like doing that, even though I'm not terribly good at it (ie: I suck). Oh well... only way to get better is practice, right? Right... and I do enjoy it, so that's not that bad.

Hopefully I won't be spending much money, though... I really, really want to be out of debt soon. And my bike repairs were another $50 I don't really have. Ah well... at least I didn't buy any games this month. And I probably won't be buying any next month either... and that should just about do it. So that's okay. Unless something unexpectedly expensive comes up (knock on wood).

Anyhoo, that's it for me... looks like it'll be the 30th in Toronto visiting Lenka and Chantal (but not Bonnie... and that kinda makes me sad, but whatever), and the 12th in Kingston visiting Bill. At least not ALL my weekends will be boring.

And next week I get my week and a half of vacation! WOO!

Introductions

So I finally met Jo last night.
She was a girl that I started e-mailing through Lava... and then a few months ago she just sorta dropped off the face of the earth. Then, all of a sudden, she e-mails me again wondering where I've been. Kinda funny, actually... anyway, so we set up a face-to-face meeting, and I got to meet her.
She's nice... somewhat indecisive as near as I can tell, but she's pretty and has a nice smile. She was a little surprised that she's a few years older than me (she'll be 29 in October, I think... she's a Libra, whatever the hell that means), but I've never really cared for such details.
Oh, and she's moving to Whitehorse in August for work. Which is cool for her. Does make me curious as to why she wanted to meet me now... I mean, she's gonna be gone soon. But whatever... maybe she's just lonely. I'd understand that.

Told Kat how I felt about her visiting... she disagrees, of course, but I think she understands. Which is good. That's a weight off my mind.

Don't know if I'll get a chance to go drawing downtown tonight... its supposed to rain, and that means a trip to my parent's place in St. Marys. Whee.
(Ugh)

Oh well. Could be worse, and it has been a few weeks since I've been dragged off there, so that's not so bad. And I didn't get to work until 11 today, and any day I can say that with a smile is a good one!

The main downside to going to St. Marys tonight is that I'm already a bit cranky and tired... and I never sleep well there. So tomorrow I'm going to be in a RIGHT fine mood. But who knows... maybe being so tired now will mean that I'll actually sleep okay tonight.

Hey, a guy can dream, right?

Bribery... well, it might get you somewhere.

So, Kat MSNed me yesterday. Said that if we got together, she'd bring her camera and wear a skirt.

Yeah, subtlety was never her forte.

And, here we are again, stuck in the middle... on the one hand, it's been a long time since I've had sex, and I KNOW that it bums me out... generally my mood is a direct reflection on how often I'm getting laid. In all honesty, I'm pretty sure everyone is like that to an extent (well, not EVERYone, but a majority at least).

But, on the flip side... I don't really find Kat that attractive, and as previously mentioned, she's unbelievably draining, petty, and selfish. Is the sex worth all that?

Not to mention I haven't had good sex since the last time I slept with Bonnie... and even that was lacking a bit. She had told me over and over that sex was only good if both people wanted it, and I never believed her... until that time, and now... everything else is just... it feels wrong. Not "bad", but somehow hollow. At least when I was with Bonnie, I really, really, really wanted to be with her... the lacking bit was the fact that she didn't really want to be with me.

But, I mean, come on... look at me. Then look at Jason. Can you blame her? The guy is built like a tank. I'm built like a marshmellow.

A Modest Proposal.

Well, Kat said that she'd be willing to come down to London on Friday if I wanted to catch a movie "and stuff"... hmmm, I THINK I know what that means. Nudge - nudge.
{sigh}

Don't get me wrong... I am sorta flattered that after all this time, she's still attracted to me that way... and, let's face it, I have been bemoaning how lonely and... {cough} pent up I have been recently.

But the problem (HA! Like there's only one...) is that I don't particularly find myself attracted to Kat any more. I mean... she is a psychohose beast and all. A very talented and willing psychohose beast, but a psychohose beast nonetheless. And she's put on a lot of weight. And she's so emotionally draining to be around.

You'd think this would be an easy decision... you'd think.

Part of it is that as psychotic as Kat may be at times, I still want her to be happy. She was so beautiful when she was happy... she had an awesome smile, her laugh was a little loud but it was honest, and she was just a positive person to be around. These days... she's not. Like a little blackhole or something... cruel, petty, selfish...
{sigh}
I would really love to see her go back to somebody closer to who she used to be.

The really ironic thing is that she seems convinced that she's a better person now... can't understand why her friends keep ditching her or why bad things keep happening.

Anyway, this is all beside the point... the moral of the story is I have to decide what I'm going to do to help. Even if it's only a little.

Hmmm. I'll have to think about that a bit... diplomacy is always such a tricky little thing!

Survived.

So, I survived my trip to Sydney. Surprised, but not disappointed... it was an experience. Food was bad, area was beautiful, rained the whole time, and I got really lonely for a bit... but hey, I made it back. I do think I'll have to go back at some point... beautiful area.

In other news, I have a "meeting" arranged for Wednesday night... 7:30 at Williams. Another Lavalife contact named Jo... she seems interesting. It's something to do, at least... I'll have to figure out whether I'm going to the gym first or not, though. Ironically, she's from Halifax originally! Anyway, it's just weird... I was feeling lonely, and all of a sudden Kate, Katrina, and this girl Jo pop up, all vying for my time. Sure, I'm not interested in Kate or Kat, but still... always nice to be wanted. And we'll have to see about Jo... no harm in looking, though.

In other, related-ish news... Heather hasn't called, so I think I'm officially giving up, my brother broke up with Kitty (I'm actually kinda sad at that... I really liked Kitty, damnit!), and my father is upset with my lack of electrical knowledge. Oh, and I still hate my job.

Anyway, we have a customer from Havard here today, testing out their system... everything was going well last I checked, so that's a good sign. Egbert worries too much and doesn't think enough... but he's a very nice guy and a solid worker, which is more than I can say for some of the people here. I hope it goes well... the company needs some good news.

And today... I fly!

Well, this is it... today I leave for Nova Scotia. Three days on the East Coast... should be interesting, at least!

I have NO idea what I'm supposed to do out there, but I hope to figure it out before I have to actually do the alignment and installation tomorrow... that would problably be wise.

News: Caitlin and I ran into each other on MSN last night... it was good to reconnect with her. She's forgotten whatever it was she was mad at me for... which is unfortunate in a way, because I really was curious about what insensitive, thoughtless and stupid thing I did that pissed her off in the first place. However, its much better to be back in contact with her... I'll have to remember to write her an e-mail sometime when I get back from "the Scooch".

Bonnie and I talked for a little while (on the phone), it made me sad... but she seems to be doing well, and that's good. Oh, and Kat and I MSNed for a little bit... and Shauna and I talked on the phone. Really, everyone but Chantal, Dave, and Lenka have had some kind of instant communication with me recently... which is good, just in case something happens on the flight. Which it probably won't... but you never know, right?

On that note, if I do happen to buy the farm... Bill, Dave and Harry can divide my games between 'em (sorry Gabe, you're stuck in Auz), my brother can have any three things he wants to remember me by, and after that Chantal, Bonnie, Shauna, and then my parents.

Not that it matters... nobody knows about this webblog, so nobody knows to check it... but that's okay. Maybe somebody will stumble across it when they're sorting through my stuff. Maybe.

Tomorrow... comes after today!

Well, tomorrow I leave on my big "Eastern Trip"... which isn't really that big or that Eastern. Nova Scotia for three days... woo. It'll be nice to be out of the office, I suppose, but really... I could live without the trip. Ah well... whacha gonna do, really.

I really wanted to write everyone "Just in Case" e-mails today... maybe I'll do it tonight. I dunno... I'm probably just being silly.

Anyway, won't be updating for at least a couple days... I'm back on Friday, though, so don't expect anything until next week at the earliest (not that anyone reads this stuff anyway!).

Monday. Again.

You know, there's always a Monday. Or at least until somebody gets around to nuking mankind into the stone age again, there's always a Monday. I'm okay with it, though... although I did sleep in this morning (I was late for work by about 2 hours... but then again, so were a lot of other people!). Ah well... whatever.

Italy won. Yay us!

I leave for Nova Scotia the day after tomorrow... can't say I'm looking forward to it, but it'll be nice to be out of the apartment... I'm going to bring my sketch book and my DS, see if I can't get some drawing done. I hope nothing bad happens on the plane... I have a gut feeling that something will, but that's just nerves. I normally don't mind flying (I don't like landings, but I love take-offs)... whatever. I'm wondering if I should write "Just in case... goodbye!" e-mails to everyone tomorrow. Hmm. I'll have to think about that... especially since it would mean figuring out what to say to everyone.

Ha. "Everyone"... I make it sound like hundreds. More like... ten. Maybe. Probably closer to five. Ah well. Quality, not quantity.

Fridays are still good!

Well, Dave is coming down today. That's pretty sweet... been a little while since I've seen him. It'll be nice to hang out with somebody other than myself for awhile!

I'm hoping it'll help get my mind off the whole Heather thing... which is really just depressing me. Don't know what we're gonna do, yet, but it will involve video games, food, and lots of laughing. All victories in my book!

Ooh, and there was a movie I wanted to see... not Superman, although I'll probably get around to that sooner or later. Ooh! Ooh! Pirates... that was it! Damn, I wanna see Pirates... but I'll probably wait until the theatres won't be quite so packed. I have no patience for stupid people, and the movie will be just as good next week as it is this week.

I hope it's good!

Anyway, that's about it... although the hospital called one of my references! Maybe I'll get to start volunteering again soon! That would rock!

Surrender?

Well, I think I'm going to take Chantal's advice and just consider Heather a lost cause. I tried... but she doesn't seem willing to put any effort into this... she doesn't call, she doesn't write, and she hasn't wanted to see me in just shy of a month.
{shrugs}
I tried... but oh well. If she calls, I'll answer... I still like talking to her, she makes me laugh. But I'm going to go with the fact she just doesn't dig me that much. Which sucks...
{sigh}
Not much I can do about it now... wish it weren't the case, but hey, this is me we're talking about. I'm insanely lucky that she kissed me in the first place.

She is an awful good kisser.

Long Weekends never are.

Long, that is. They always feel remarkably short.

Of course, I didn't do much this weekend. Went on a few long bike rides... that was nice. Watched a lot of anime (two complete 26 episode series... about 17 hours of anime, all told), played some vids (about 10 hours into Resident Evil 4... this will be the... 3rd or 4th time I've finished it... although I don't recall running out of ammunition so badly last time! Still, it's fun). Didn't do much else.

Sadly, it's raining today, which means a trip to St. Marys with my folks... which sucks, but hey... oh crap, I just realized I forgot my DS at my apartment. Crapity-crap-crap. Well, so much for doing anything tonight...
{sigh}

Ah well... nothing I can do about it now. And still no word from Heather... maybe she'll call tonight... if not, I'll call tomorrow. It's been over a week now... but whatever. I hope she's okay.